i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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