I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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