i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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