It was confusing and full of hummus
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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