Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
