This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
