Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
