my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
