Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
