only you would photoshop your dick
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
