If that was your dad, he is hot
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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