my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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