My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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