How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
