Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
