My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
