It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
