You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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