All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
