remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
