Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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