There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
