did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I touched a dick in church today
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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