i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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