if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
