I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
