woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i will never coherently bang her
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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