she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
