We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Send help, water and tortillas.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
