You just made me feel so damn special
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
