Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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