His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
