I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
