Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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