Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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