He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
