can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
