apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
