Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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