she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
