i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
