I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
