Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
