it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
