You smell like a Billy Joel song
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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