I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
