she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
