he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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