I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
