You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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